Sailor Moon: Unseen Evil, Act Two
by starlily11
Summary: The Sailor Scouts and the Starlights are sick of walking on eggshells. It is time to meet the culprits. But will they be a match for their insanity? Rated T to be safe.


**Sailor Moon: Unseen Evil, Act Two**

**Disclaimer/AN: **My creative juices are totally dying on my other story right now, so my friend and I went for a swim. This fic was induced by too much chlorine and chocolate…we are not at all liable for any insanity, mental scarring, emotional scarring, or any other damage resulting from this fic. While we're at it, we might as well add that we DO NOT own Sailor Moon. That belongs to Naoko Takeuchi. If you haven't figured that out yet, well…just keep trying, okay? By the way, blame any grammatical errors on my friend. She's the one who's supposed to watch out for typos and that stuff. I'm just the girl who slaps the wacko thoughts together and tries to turn them into a presentable story.

It has been two months since the Starlights, the Inner Senshi, and the Outer Senshi were assailed by an invisible force. They are all sick and tired of saying lame crap like 'On behalf of the Moon, we'll bust your skull,' and 'Sailor Starlights! We'll wring your neck!' It was confusing, it was stupid, and obviously dreamed up by some crackhead. They were all sick and tired of saying lamer crap than before all because some petty deities didn't like repetition. Those responsible needed to be brought to justice…immediately. It was imperative, for the sake of everyone's sanity, that whoever was responsible for this was found and made to cease their attack.

The injured Senshi all gathered in a quiet, not well-known glade, as they needed privacy. Pluto awaited them. It was time to end this. Once they had all arrived, Pluto cleared her throat delicately. All turned their full attention to the Soldier of Revolution, the Guardian of Time, Keeper of the Time Gate, Sailor Pluto.

"Friends, allies, and all whom this may concern; after much searching, and a great deal of tracking, I have managed to find the culprits who are responsible for the attack we have all suffered for many months. Are you prepared to face them?"

"Duh!" Sailor Star Fighter exclaimed. "I've still got an imprint on my head from the first time!"

"_I _nearly fell off of a roof!" Sailor Moon shouted. "I could have _died_!"

Pluto held up a hand. "We must remain calm if we are to settle this with a fair amount of peace."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…we get it," Sailor Star Healer sighed. "Just zap them here and let's get this over with. I'm scheduled for a manicure at nine tomorrow morning, and I need my beauty rest."

"There're more important things than your beauty rest, Healer," Fighter snapped.

"_Ahem_." Pluto's face was usually serene and void of any readable emotion, but now, one could detect a small amount of irritation.

"Sorry," Fighter mumbled, and smacked Healer upside the head.

"Ladies, prepare to face the culprits."

The sky went dark for about five minutes. Sailor Moon moved closer and closer to Mercury, whimpering slightly. "Did I mention I'm scared of the dark?" the blonde asked.

"Quit whining, Sailor Moon," Sailor Mars groaned. "It'll be over soon."

"But I'm scared!"

"Shut up, meatballs for brains!"

Sailor Moon whimpered even louder, and Mercury was obliged to place a hand over the blonde's mouth to muffle the loud, annoying sobs that were seconds away.

Sailor Star Maker whispered to Fighter, "If their leader jumps at shadows, it's no wonder they suck at fighting Phage."

Fighter nodded in agreement. "Still, she's kind of cute."

"Fighter!"

"Well, come on…her innocence is pretty endearing."

"Will you focus? We came here to figure out who was bashing us over the head with hairbrushes and we still need to find our Princess. We didn't come here to socialize."

"I know, I know…"

This discussion was cut short by the sudden lightening of the sky, and a brilliant flash of light. The next second, two girls, about the same age as Sailor Moon and the Inners, fell from the sky. The shorter of the two hit the ground and let out a stream of colorful, censored versions of obscenities. The other got up, asked her friend if she was okay, and then told her to watch her mouth.

"We've been getting whipped by little girls?" Sailor Neptune was shocked.

"Hey! Who're you calling little!" the shorter one yelped, offended. "I happen to be sixteen!"

"Honestly, Sara," the other sighed. "You knew this was coming; don't make our situation worse than it already is."

"But she called me a little girl, Kara!" Sara whined.

"No offense, but you _are_ a little short," Kara informed her.

"It's all my mother's fault!"

"You blame every medical problem you have on your mom. Can't you blame your dad for something for a change?"

"Yeah…it's his fault for letting Mom's genes take over and wipe out his genes."

"As fascinating as your conversation is, I'm afraid we have more important matters to discuss," Pluto interrupted smoothly.

"Like what?" Sara asked. "Oh, no, is this about the fact that I flunked my Spanish exam?"

Kara laughed, but quickly ceased when she received a glare from Uranus. "No, I don't think that's it, Sara," she murmured.

"Is it because I clogged the toilet again?"

"Are you sure you have the right girls?" Uranus asked.

"Yes," Pluto answered.

Fighter was impatient; she could tell that the girl was clearly playing dumb. She was getting annoyed. "Quit playing dumb," she told the girl. "You know what this is about."

"Well, since you'll probably kick my butt if I don't I guess I'll cooperate," Sara sighed. Then, she muttered, "Party pooper."

"Would you care to explain why you were attacking us?"Pluto inquired.

"I would hardly call tapping someone lightly on the head with a hairbrush an attack," Sara replied.

"That's the thing," Uranus snapped. "You nearly killed us."

"Gee, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to hit you _that_ hard! I was just trying to send a message that your speeches were getting a wee bit repetitive. I guess I overdid it."

"Actually…" Kara was looking somewhat sheepish. "I might have encouraged you to hit harder than necessary. Do you have any idea how obnoxious these guys are?"

"Yeah…but it doesn't mean we need to kill them."

"So…wait." Fighter was a little lost. "You're telling us that you were just trying to send a message? You weren't trying to put us all in a coma?"

"Yup."

"We got our butts whipped by two kids about our age," Mars muttered. "That's just sad."

"Uh, yeah…" Sara inched away from Mars. "Can we go back home now? I was in the middle of a really interesting conversation with a guy, and I really want to get back to that."

"Will you please quit drooling over him for just a single minute?"Kara sighed.

"Hey, at least I'm not crushing on Orlando Bloom anymore. That guy's like, thirty something."

"Yes, but he's going to college this year, and you're just now a junior."

"So? My mom's like, almost a decade younger than my dad, and my siblings are more than a decade older than me."

"Seriously?" Sailor Moon was surprised. "How'd that happen?"

"Will you focus?" Mars snapped. "This is getting way off topic."

"This whole conversation is boring," Sara sighed. "If I'm going to discuss this anymore, I want a lawyer."

"We're standing in front of a bunch of people who could easily vaporize us with one look, and you're worried about getting a lawyer?" Kara asked in annoyance. "It's not like that will help you!"

"This is like being questioned by the cops; anything I say can be used against me in a court of law. I take the fifth."

"The fifth what?" Sailor Moon asked.

"The fifth Miranda right."

"Huh?"

"The right to remain silent."

"Sara, shut up!"

"I just want to go back home and eat my chocolate chip cookies," Sara whined. "Is that too much to ask?"

"Good grief, she's almost as bad as Sailor Moon," Jupiter whispered to Mercury.

"No, not quite. Sara seems to know what she's actually talking about, and she has a pretty good vocabulary."

"So the whole thing was an accident?" Pluto asked.

"Yes, and if you let me go home, I won't ever do it again, and I'll lock up the hairbrush and throw away the key."

"Really?" Pluto raised an eyebrow.

"Honest…on my honor. I'll make an oath in blood if you want."

"That won't be necessary."

"Okay…can I _please _go home? My mom's overprotective, and she's probably got the FBI looking for me by now."

"Sara, we've only been gone for ten minutes," Kara sighed.

"Yeah, but I was supposed to call her six minutes ago!"

"Send them home, Pluto," Uranus sighed. "If I have to listen to any more of this, I'll go insane."

"I am the egg man…" Sara sang.

"That song is the ramblings of a lunatic," Kara told her.

"But it's funny. Hey, can you picture Queen Beryl singing that?"

Sailor Moon and the Inners fell over.

Kara started laughing. "Totally. But not in any sane world. Serena would have to be high on ecstasy or LSD or some other hallucinogen. Then she could be thinking that she got hit by an eighteen-wheeler, and then a cheese wheel would turn into Beryl, and then she could start singing that."

"Oh, yeah, Beryl singing 'I Am the Walrus' would be epic."

"Epically weird."

"Am I insane yet?" Uranus asked. "Or are the rest of you hearing this, too?"

By now, the two culprits were helpless with laughter.

"Those two have a screwed up sense of humor," Mercury said.

"You want to hear something _really _twisted?" Sara asked conspiratorially.

"Not really."

"Don't talk about what else you can do with a hairbrush," Kara begged.

"Heck, no. That's too inappropriate. Good grief, Sailor Moon's standing right here; I won't soil her innocent mind with those sordid tales!"

"What can you do with a hairbrush?" Sailor Moon asked curiously.

"Ask your mother," Sara answered. "Or you could ask Pluto what she saw a friend of mine doing with one while she was watching the Time Gate. Say, who wants to order a pizza?"

"Okay, time to zap them away," Healer said. She'd already figured out what Sara was referring to, and it made her ill.

Pluto nodded, and the two girls were gone in an instant.

"So, what _can_ you do with a hairbrush?" Venus asked, and everyone groaned.

**THE END  
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